Raina ~ Junior

[raina]

Other Accounts: None

Name: Raina

Gender: Female

Grade: Junior

Appearance: Raina is tall, 5'8", and is very thin, weighing 90 lbs. She appears to be healthy though, and does not look disproportionate. She's a speedy runner, but is lacking on the strength, which is obvious by her build.

She is pretty, with long, fine black hair that falls down her back halfway down to her waist. It's very straight, and she wears it down, with a white ribbon tied around her head. The ribbon is more in decoration than anything else. Her eyes are large and an icy aqua blue, with long black eyelashes fringing them. She has a nose that is 'cute' and dainty. Her skin fairly pale, and she has a light sprinkling of freckles, barely visible unless you look closely.

Raina wears light colored jeans, that are sort of baggy, with a yellow and white striped belt that has a 'D' buckle on it. She has on a dressy white cami, with a pale lime green sleeveless top over it. She only wears light make-up, if any. If she does, it's generally thin eyeliner and a natural pink color lip gloss. Raina likes to sport a very natural look. Raina has on some small silver hoop earrings, and a fine silver chain necklace.

Personality: Raina is outgoing, and lives life for the fun of it. She loves to be outside, and that is partially due to her love for sports. She is friendly, but if you anger her, she's not one to let go it easily. Slightly rebellious, she is stubborn, determined, and opinionated. Her first reaction is to argue when someone disagrees with her, and she often get so angry that she won't speak to that person until the matter is resolved. She won't often be the one to apologize.

Raina is witty, and likes to have something to do, preferably a sport or being with friends. Not one to sit back and relax, she tends to plow into whatever she choses to do without thinking, which gets her into trouble.

Interests: Raina is interested in sports. She loves to play football (for fun, obviously), run cross-country, and other sports. She also likes to go out to eat with her friends, and just hang out. Always ready to stick her nose in a good book, Raina enjoys reading a lot, mostly fantasy,as well as writing her own stories. Despite this, she only receives average grades in school, as school is definitely not at the top of her list of priorities.

Raina doesn't like to spend time shopping or doing make-up, and would rather be outside being active. She's into country music, and loves to watch action movies.

Role Playing: Raina jumped up and down excitedly. "I can't wait for tonight!" She exclaimed to her friends. "We are going to rock!" Watching Lindsay, Raina turned back around to let Anna finish doing her hair in a braid. Impatiently sitting as still as she could, Raina allowed Lindsay to do her face paint. Three blue and white paw prints 'walked' across her right cheek. "Okay! I'm done! Let's just go. The game starts in an hour and a half." Her friends, dressed in matching jean skirts and white and blue tops. Looking down at her jeans and shirt, Raina shrugged. Wanting to get to the game, she saw Luke and caught the football he threw to her. Running over to him, she gave him a one-armed hug and said, "Good Luck!" He grinned, and said, "Come on. I'll drive you." Hoping in his truck, she eagerly looked forward to the game.

Picture: None yet...

[Kijin Alba]

Good job overall, but you could make some changes. Here are some tips and advice, along with corrections for you.

Appearence:[/b][/u]
Ok, first major problem in your bio is that a junior that stands a stagering 5'8 is not going to weigh 90 lbs. Be realistic, not only is there bone mass to measure with a height such as that, but also muscle mass. There's a definate line between a healthy skinny Junior and an annorexic tall girl.

In the second paragraph, in the second sentence, you have no need for the word "but" after the second comma.

In the third sentence of the second paragraph, you misspelled eyelashes, and you should place a "with" before very if you are going to keep the words, "fringing them" at the end.

You also tend to rely on the word very alot. This lessens the intensity of the word, which overall cuts down your sentence.

In her style of clothes, it's fairly hard to understand what you're trying to describe. Try finding a picture of the clothes you mean, or change it to something that could be more easily understood.

Personality:[/b][/u]
First thing is that you also don't have alot of falts for her. She seems a little perfect. Kind and pretty, funny and sporty. Add some more flaws. Maybe she could be a little less strong, or not so friendly. Perhaps she's imature?

In the third sentence there are some spelling errors, I'll place the sentence here with the corrected words:
Slightly rebelious, she is stubborn, determined, and opinionated.
If you look carefully, you can also see that I added a comma after stubborn and took out the word "and", it is better grammar to use and only once in this sentence structure.

Lastly, for personality, perhaps you could add a few more details about her? It seems to be lacking some points, which I'm not quite sure of yet.

Interests:[/b][/u]
First of all, it doesn't seem like it's done. Secondly, it seems a little too prepy (for lack of better words) and perfect. Once again, maybe you should tone down her list of abilities. There are some major gramatical errors, and the sentance fluency just isn't that great in this paragraph. Perhaps you could do a little better.

Role Playing:[/b][/u]
It seems like a good example, nice job.

[Daske Depp]

Wow Kay, now i understand why you put so much effort in your bio, when you place as much effort in corrections. -_-
However, I tend to agree with some portions of your reasoning, but overall I like the bio.
Can't wait to see the pic

[The Headmaster]

I agree with most of Kijin's points. If you could change at least most of them (any you don't, I'd like a reason please), than I will accept you. ^ ^

Welcome to the site!

[raina]

Appearence:
Ok, first major problem in your bio is that a junior that stands a stagering 5'8 is not going to weigh 90 lbs. Be realistic, not only is there bone mass to measure with a height such as that, but also muscle mass. There's a definate line between a healthy skinny Junior and an annorexic tall girl.

In the second paragraph, in the second sentence, you have no need for the word "but" after the second comma.

In the third sentence of the second paragraph, you misspelled eyelashes, and you should place a "with" before very if you are going to keep the words, "fringing them" at the end.

You also tend to rely on the word very alot. This lessens the intensity of the word, which overall cuts down your sentence.

In her style of clothes, it's fairly hard to understand what you're trying to describe. Try finding a picture of the clothes you mean, or change it to something that could be more easily understood.

Personality:
First thing is that you also don't have alot of falts for her. She seems a little perfect. Kind and pretty, funny and sporty. Add some more flaws. Maybe she could be a little less strong, or not so friendly. Perhaps she's imature?

In the third sentence there are some spelling errors, I'll place the sentence here with the corrected words:
Slightly rebelious, she is stubborn, determined, and opinionated.
If you look carefully, you can also see that I added a comma after stubborn and took out the word "and", it is better grammar to use and only once in this sentence structure.

Lastly, for personality, perhaps you could add a few more details about her? It seems to be lacking some points, which I'm not quite sure of yet.

Interests:
First of all, it doesn't seem like it's done. Secondly, it seems a little too prepy (for lack of better words) and perfect. Once again, maybe you should tone down her list of abilities. There are some major gramatical errors, and the sentance fluency just isn't that great in this paragraph. Perhaps you could do a little better.

I have to disagree with you on my appearance. I'm 5'8" and weigh less than 90 lbs.
Also, I disagree that she is preppy, considering that I said she likes sports and doesn't like shopping, etc.

I did change the other things you mentioned, and thanks for that, because I didn't even notice them. I've modified her as best as I can, and if you have any suggestions for personality, please make some for me to detail on, because I couldn't really think of anything else for me to add.

[Adelle Portman]

I see that she's moody. But you are going to have to play that part a lot. Like a "know it all" right? That's the impression I got. But i like it. We need feisty people. She is the first one I'll cheer for when she gets in a fist fight. LoL.
*yells in the background excitedly* Fight! Fight! Fight!

[raina]

Thanks... . I like it too, obviously. I guess moody would be a word to describe it... I never really thought of it like that. "Stubborn," was what I originally was thinking, partially because people always tell me I'm too stubborn, and some of her personality, is based off of me.

[Adelle Portman]

I guess all of our characters are based on ourselves. We just have to liberty to perfection it and exaggerate it.

[The Headmaster]

Looks good, Raina! The only problem is that some of your sentences are extremely long, but since that is the only thing and it isn't amazingly mandatory, I'll accept you now. If you'd like (which you probably will), you can go back and modify it.

Accepted! Welcome to Troy High. I will modify your profile according to your application. Have fun, and stay active!